Aiming to insert a little humor into your wedding ceremony? Writing funny wedding vows can be a great way to get your guests laughing and create a moment of laughter both you and your partner will remember forever.
How to Write Funny Wedding Vows
You don’t have to be a comedian to come up with a few great one-liners for your wedding. In fact, it just takes a little brainstorming.
First, think about a few of the things that really stand out in your relationship. For instance is your partner a die-hard football fan? Or maybe they’ve watched every episode of The Great British Baking Show. Are you both obsessed with your new puppy? Or maybe your partner likes to leave their dirty clothes right next to the hamper (but not in it?). These are all glimpses into your life as a couple that you can use in a comedic way.
Once you identify a few key things that can be used, see which ones work the best to make promises around. For instance using the examples above, you could have vows that say:
“I promise to never make you miss an episode of The Great British Baking Show, especially if it’s Bread Week. I also vow to put my dirty socks INTO the hamper from now on. Before I met you I was sure they belonged on the floor next to it, but since you so lovingly showed me the right way, I have to say that makes a lot more sense. As do most things now that you’re in my life.”
How NOT to Write Funny Wedding Vows
Now that we talked about what to include in your funny wedding vows, you’ll want to make sure to avoid these common mistakes:
- Making them too personal. While it’s great to give guests a glimpse into your everyday lives, you’ll want to make sure not to overshare. Keep the stories to something you would feel comfortable sharing with a perfect stranger.
- Making them too embarrassing. A little poke is fine (like missing the hamper), but avoid bathroom humor or stories that might make your partner feel less than.
- Including too many jokes. Aim for no more than 2-3 one-liners. Since your vows should be roughly 2 minutes long each (which is around 300-500 words) you’ll want to leave room for the heartfelt and romantic vows, too!
After you write your wedding vows, you’ll want to share them with someone else close to you to get their opinion. Something that might be funny to you might be viewed differently from a third-party.
You Might Also Like: Looking for something different? These love quotes are PERFECT for romantic wedding vows.
Football Fanatic
“I promise to comfort you when the Falcons lose and drink beer with you when they win.”
Short Stack
“I promise to buy taller shoes so you can wear heels.”
Where’s the Advil?
“In sickness and in health: I promise to take care of you, even when you’ve over-indulged the night before. For richer or for poorer: I promise not to spend all our money at Nordstrom.”
Old and Crusty
“I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome.”
Puppy Love
“I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.”
Zombie Apocalypse
“Do you take Steven to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death or zombies do you part?”
I Promise to Replace the Toilet Roll
“I, Christian, choose you, Sara, to be my wife. Before our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat, and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.”
Take All the Credit
“I Victor, take you Alexis, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to love you for eternity and to trust you with my credit card, even if it means passing out when I get the credit card bill. You’re my wife and you deserve the best!”
“You’ll Be My Personal Rock Star”
“I Stephanie promise to love you, Leo, even though you have a love for ‘80s hair band music. I promise I will try to love Motley Crue as much as you do, and will even dress up in ‘80s clothing and see a live concert with you- and I won’t even complain the entire time. You’ll be my personal rock star and I will love every moment of it.”
Burnt Coffee
“I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it alright.”
Love All
“I Michael, take you, Jessica to be my lawfully wedded wife and chief tennis doubles partner, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for when we win and the very, very rare occasion when we lose. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, to return your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.”
Like Doing the Dishes?
“I promise to do the stuff neither of us wants to do, if you really don’t want to do it more than I don’t.”
“Even if Your Cooking Grows Mold”
“I, John, take you Mary, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To be together in happiness and strife. To have and to hold, even if your cooking grows mold. I love you in richness and in debt, and cherish all moments since we have met. I promise to love you until the end of my days, as long as you stay out of my baseball plays. I pledge to be faithful, even when we’re old and dull.”
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