Are you and your spouse planning on penning your own wedding vows? If so, you’re not alone. Close to 50% of couples choose to write their own wedding vows. And while that’s not always possible if you’re getting married in a church or temple, a venue that allows you to write you own vows is an invitation to create a meaningful and memorable moment for you, your partner, and your guests. While that all sounds great, writing your own vows can be SUPER nerve-wracking. What are you going to say? What’s your spouse going to say? What if you mess up? Or forget? What if your partner doesn’t like them….let alone the guests!?
Figuring out how to write wedding vows doesn’t have to be stressful. Follow a few basic guidelines with help from these experts, and your vows will totally wow both your audience and the love of your life!
“Stop Trying to Write Your Vows”
While working with an expert will help you overcome writer’s block when it comes to your wedding vows, Katelyn Peterson says the best thing you can do if writing them on your own is to “stop trying to write your vows.” Instead, start by writing a list.
“List out what you love about your fiance, what you appreciate about your relationship, what kind of spouse you wish to be for them, and what makes you excited for your future,” says Peterson, who helps couples write completely custom wedding vows. “When you’re done, you’ll have lots of material to work with. Then it’s just a matter of polishing those notes into vows. Suddenly, the task of vow writing becomes a lot less daunting.”
Agree on the Tone
Do you and your partner want to write wedding vows with one another beforehand? If not, it’s essential to discuss what type of tone you’re going for. Discuss if you’re going to go the humorous, sweet-and-subtle, or not-a-dry-eye-in-the-house route. Also, decide if you’re going to simply have notes or the entire vows written out. Trying to memorize them is just adding more pressure to an already stressful moment.
Stick to the Template
“You could spend hours googling and drive yourself crazy, because there is more online than you could imagine on how to write your vows, but it’s really simple,” says Tanya Pushkine, who has helped hundreds of couples write (and say) meaningful wedding vows. Instead, it comes down to this: “Basically, why do you want to marry this person, what do you love so much about them, what have they done to make you a better person, what do you see your future like, and what do you want to promise?”
Make Specific Promises
Katelyn Peterson says one of the biggest mistakes couples make in their wedding vows is not including specific promises.
“Vows in their most simple form are promises,” says Peterson. “And yet, many couples end up writing a love letter focused on what they admire about their partner and relationship and overlook the vows part.
She suggests including 3-6 specific promises and make sure they will stand the test of time “rather than focusing on current inside jokes.”
Practice Makes Perfect
“It may sound simple but the best thing you can do to lessen your nerves is to practice and keep practicing,” says Peterson. “Practice reciting your speech out loud at least three times before the wedding day,” she says, suggesting you focus on speed, tone, and eye contact.
And yes…the focus is on saying them OUT. LOUD. “Practicing by silently reading to yourself will do absolutely nothing for you,” says Pushkine. “You have to hear yourself, because in hearing yourself…you’ll catch things like, ‘I don’t really like the way that sounds,’ or, ‘I think I need to cut that,’ or, ‘I’m sounding really monotone.'”
If you don’t mind someone else hearing them before your spouse, read them to your maid of honor and get some feedback. Things can read very differently out loud than they sound in your head! Practicing will also help you speak slowly and clearly on your actual wedding day.
“When most people are nervous, they speak too quickly,” says Peterson, so slowwwwww down. She also tells couples to vary their inflection throughout the speech to avoid a monotone delivery. “And don’t forget to look up at the couple and guests at natural points throughout the speech.”
Looking for more help with your wedding vows? We also have these helpful guides below:
- 12 Funny Wedding Vows to Use At Your Wedding
- We Found the Most Incredibly Sweet Wedding Vows for Her
- How to Write Non-Traditional Wedding Vows
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